Gum Under The Table

Literally.

Today was such an awesome day.

I mean, I was already touchy from the lack of sleep.

Then I screwed up Chemistry with carelessness.

Found out I screwed up Bio. Because I was careless as well.

Got ditched by my friend so stoning for 5 hours (Actually she had a really good reason. Poor girl hurt her arm D:).

Found out I screwed up Math even more. Disappointed my lecturer who had high hopes in me. Feel like crying.

Got an extremely long lecture from mum about it that didn't make me feel any better but I guess I deserved it.

Plus, the good comp labs are full and I'm in this lame backroom-sort one typing on this godforsaken keyboard that I could throw at the wall right about now!

But I won't because it'll probably just bounce back and hit me in the head, seeing as how today has gone.

And it's not even Friday the friggin 13th. Wow.

Then some a-hole goes and sticks gum under a table in the KDU Square.

And guess which lucky person sits at that table?

Ding ding ding! Yeah, ME.

I crossed my legs while waiting for my food (ALONE *coughditchedcough*) and when I pulled away, I felt something sticky just above my knee.

OMFG. GUM.

Now don't get me wrong, gum is good. Gum is awesome. Grape-flavoured gum is the best.

Someone's used, sticky, yucky, disgusting gum stuck to my knee is not good.

Hell, is it so hard to dispose of gum?!

Just wrap it up and throw it into a bin. NOT stick it under the table for an unsuspecting victim's (moi) knee to get victimised by.

Go to hell, those gum-under-the-table-stickers. Seriously, I hate you disgusting, unhygienic people.

God, I can still feel the icky gooeyness.

(Found this site while searching for pictures. Cute: http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1415170)

And back to the "doing badly in my exams and possibly throwing me off my scholarship" thing.

Saw Abdullah (I don't know if this is the actual spelling -.-), my ex Palestinian classmate just now.

I think my look was obvious because the first thing he said was "Bad exam, huh?"

"Yeah. Did very badly in Maths." I replied.

"You are sad because you studied very hard and did badly?"

And once again, I realized that: No, I am not upset because I studied so hard and did badly. I was upset because I DIDN'T study hard enough and did badly.

I don't know when I will ever buck up, but I'm going to make that effort to try.

For now, I just want to go home and hug my dog. Hug anyone for that matter.

No mood. Leave me be. I'll get over it soon. :)

Bad day,

~*JJ*~

P.S.: Don't know what's wrong with the alignment. Can anyone help please?

Note: Not actual KDU table.

Tremor

It hit me.

Today, as I was sitting beside mum in the car, I was daydreaming as usual.

My thoughts were about ham and cheese sandwiches, bad traffic, Enid Blyton and the amazing vocals of Christina Aguilera as she belted out I Am Beautiful.

These thoughts slowly wondered to the yesteryears of schooling life, friends and teachers alike.

And all of a sudden, it just hit me. So damn hard. It was like a wave of nausea had engulfed me as I thought about my SPM results.

I should’ve tried harder. It wasn’t my best effort. I didn’t study enough nor used my brains to their full potential.

It was hard to draw the next breath into my lungs, my throat felt like it was choking on something. Might’ve been a big wad of remorse.

My breathing became minutely shallower but other than that, I gave no outward signs that anything had gone wrong. I hugged my bag just an infinitesimal bit tighter to my cold body and stared at the traffic in front of me, not really registering anything.

Honestly, I nearly cried from the pang of regret that went right through me and left me a lesser person than nanoseconds before.

Why didn’t I study more? I might have done so much better because frankly, the abysmal procrastinator’s work I gave disappointed me sorely. And it isn’t just myself I’d be letting down, is it?

So fucking selfish of me.

I barely heard the sounds of Rihanna’s Disturbia pounding through my earphones.

Guilt and regret and disappointment all churned into one vast void in an instant of a few heartbeats is not easy to bear.

These pangs have happened to me quite a few times already but not as bad as today’s. Even now, I still feel unsettled. Safe to say, I am not looking forward to getting my results back.

Please all the future and current students. Whether you are in kindergarten or university, study hard and give your all. And you’ll never ever have to go through this lousy feeling just a little bit too late.

Regrets,

~*JJ*~

P.S. : Get well soon, YY. Presentation nothing to worry about.