Drama Umbrella

So I'm nineteen now.

Meaning it's the last teen year for me. Do I feel sad?

At first I was because it meant moving on the a whole new chapter of my life. The 'Teen' label makes it so easy to get away with some things. Livin' la vida, carpe diem and all that.

Then when you hit twenty, it's all different. You wouldn't be able do certain things anymore without getting weird looks and being judged by others. You couldn't be so carefree about things now because people start relying on you. You are not taken care of any longer, you take care of someone now.

Bigger burdens you never expected, huger life choices to make, more drastic consequences to it.

Because you would be twenty-something. And not a teenager.

And I'd feel OLD. Gosh, it's like, "How old are you?"

"Eighteen!"

"Really?"

"No, actually I'm TWENTY-TWO."

Waliao, just thinking about it makes me feel like I popped a beard or something.

All in all, I was abit tentative about approaching the nineteen milestone. Not like I had a choice with that actually.

But nowadays, it's all turned around. I feel sick of it. Because of one stupid reason.

I sometimes feel like I can't wait to get out of my teenage years purely because of how complicated it is.

I do realize that being over twenty is not paradise or anything. But see, when we were young, innocent and completely naive of the world, we never had to deal with this thing called Drama.

I know, it's that thing with the crying and depression and stress and anxiety and spite and pettiness and apathy and crying and anger and binging and starving and insomnia and crying and curling up into tiny balls and raging and screaming and suicidal thoughts and more crying and goodness knows what else.

All gets kicked under the Drama umbrella. (Wow, that rhymes. It shall be the title then.)

We only start to feel it when we grow into teens. For us lucky ones anyway, I'm sorry to those who had to deal with it earlier in life.

And since it's like the first time we face these issues, we don't know what to do with ourselves sometimes. We lose ourselves in the intense emotions that usually come with drama.

The last few years of my life, I've had to deal with teenage dramas time and again. Every single year, there has to be at least once when I feel like living is too much of a challenge. Every. Single. Year.

I've been a spectator, a participant, even an instigator to it though not intentionally.

And I hate it. I hate drama. It is always SO DAMN TIRING. I hate how it makes me feel and act. I hate making people worry. I hate the nosey ones that try to turn it into juicy gossip. I hate not being able to live properly just because of something that will seem so trivial or easy to solve in the latter years.

But at the moment it's would be the most important thing.

And then that thing happens where you grow up. And you can deal with problems with this weapon called experience under your belt. It doesn't always help but hey, you know you've pulled through times like that, you can and will do it again.

You know.

And you learn to fake that smile better now though I don't know if that's a good thing.

You can do it. You solve it. Or you let go. Or you fight on. Or you stand up. Or you hold on.

You deal.

Current ringtone: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas