Break Down

Everything is blurry.

It gets less scary and more annoying after a bit when you have to squint an inch away from your phone or the screen or a page.

But it's getting better though I think I'm going to be fired from my job soon. What kind of new employee gets sick even before she starts work?

Note: Please pardon any typos as I still can't see clearly. Will correct them when I regain my 20-20 normal vision.

The blurness is actually caused by an infected cornea like I mentioned before. I didn't get it checked but that's what my cousin's doctor said about her vision so I expect it's the same case for me.

Here is my eye at it's worst.

Actually this is the day after that. I was too freaked out to do anything but well, freak out on the day my eye looked like it was having an internal haemorrhage. =.=

Now my eyes look like the left eye in this picture, which is much better than the right as you can see, so I guess they're healing.

I got so scared I started to cry. I was afraid I would go blind and I don't think I'm strong enough to cope with losing one of my main five senses.

My spirit would not be able to hold up in a world where the only colour you see is black and shapes mean nothing to you.

I couldn't bear to think of a life in which I was blind.

I just broke down and started sobbing in front of the mirror as I examined the bloody-looking eye. There was no one there with me and I didn't know who to call to cry to.

Usually I don't mind crying alone, in fact I prefer it. But this time the fear was so sudden and overwhelming I felt like I needed to tell someone right away.

I didn't need them to comfort me or judge me or lecture me, just to know what I am going through and listen to me. You get that feeling sometimes too?

I suddenly felt so alone and that made me cry even more for some reason.

I did think of a few people. But how many times are you allowed to interrupt someone's life with your own crisis? What are the rules for that?

Besides, this wasn't really a crisis. It was just me being stupid about something that was so small compared to the worries the rest of the world faces.

I couldn't keep disturbing other people's lives to moan about my own. I already did that before and I felt like I owe her so much.

Why don't other people ever have break downs? Why am I the only royal screw up who needs other people's shoulders to lean on at these times?

All that blunt but no less true self-bashing made even more tears flow out and for the rest of the day, I kept sporadically bursting into tears for no reason at all.

But at the end of the day, I realize it is good to cry by yourself sometimes. You are not obligated to anyone else's feelings and you can just be selfish and cry and rant and cruse however and whatever you like.

You don't need to please anyone but yourself.

But this being a double-edged sword, there's no one there for you either. So thanks, I'm really grateful for that call that night. You know who you are. :)

And yes, the smses and msn or FB messages also that came in abit late, but was appreciated just as much.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

And now you know the lame reason Jia Ying cries to herself for. =.=

So yeah, anyway I've been super abandoning this blog and my last few updates weren't even proper updates, just scary pictures of my eye.

So now I shall bribe you to come back to visit my blog show you all my love with this super cute video of a Pomeranian pup in Pet Safari Ikano.

I curi curi take because no photography is allowed. But is recording a video really counted as photography?



CUTE UNTIL WANT TO DIE ANOT? :D

He's actually much more hyper and playful than this butI think he hates me or something because everytime I start recording, he gets less hyper.

Other than that, here are some mouldy old pics from weeks ago that I didn't have a chance to upload because of my conjunctivitis (or is it cornea-itis now?).

Breakfast at CBTL before going for work!

All gone!

There was actually one more piece of toast left ath the end but I forced myself to finish it so that I could take this pic.

See how much I love this blog? :D

Lunched with Esther, my working partner, at Uncli Lim's.

Since I wasn't feeling particularly famish or anything, I decided to order a heavy drink and half boiled eggs (which are total lovezz!).

I don't usual order drinks like cendol but yeah, it was pretty yummy. :9

Speaking of drinks, chocolate lovers must must must try Usj 2 Bliss 33's ice chocolate drink!

Very chocolatey and the thickness is just right! Not like some choc drinks, either too milky/ tastless or too much till jelak.

Oh and we found mummy's one true luff!

Garlic bread from Domino's! :D

She was just tearing them off and eat like there's no tomorrow.

But later she told us that she was on the phone but was really hungry so she wasn't really paying attention to what she was eating.

Potong! -___-

Anyways, they're nice but I still prefer this.

Yummylicious hot cheesy pizza!

It's like top of my top favourite foods. Nomnomnom~

But lately, since I've been stuck at home, I have to bear with boring old home cooked food.

Which is actually not so boring sometimes lol.

Once in a while, I do like dishes made from the family's own stove. :)

Chicken was terrific that night. :D

The usual wine and snacks that accompanies our Friday family nights.

But I got soooo bored stuck at home that I insisted to go out on Saaturday.

Which resulted in the bloody-looking, pus-emitting eye on Sunday, though my vision had not blurred yet then.

See, what the previous two doctors I consulted failed to mention was that this was conjunctivitis and I was to at all costs, avoid bright lights like monitors and TV and sunlight.

So it wasn't a surprise my eyes took a turn for the worse after a day out in the sun and a night watching Anna playing her FF XIII.

Which is actually very cool and I love to watch (pro) gamers play, even more than I like playing the games myself sometimes.

But too bad my eye was disturbing me too much that day. Nevermind, Anna said I'll have another chance to watch so yay!

Finally went to the much talked about (among us anyway) Satellite for chicken rice.

Personally, I thought it was good but not great.

I'm still partial to the chicken rice at the Hou Mei in Genting I guess.

But it was still very yummy, only less wonderful than I thought, possibly because of all that hype which made me think that the chicken would give me a tongue-gasm or something.

Rice is very xiang and served steaming like any good chicken rice shop should do!

Bean sprout! Love love love! I can sit there and eat the whole plate without anything else.

And the chicken!

But what's with that garnish on the top? Why they must always put? I never liked it and I doubt I ever will. =.=

I prefer roasted chicken actually so maybe that also influnced my opinion la.

Oh well, after being stuck at home for a week, it was like a welcoming feast.

Snack for the night (and every other night) is Chipster's Sour Cream and Onion!

I love that flavour and Chipster chips make them best! Summore got extra 20%! Wah, so good! T___T

Cousin went to Hokkaido some time ago (with red eye, geng chao anot?) and brought back some of those unique Japan snacks for us.

Banyak Kit Kat, but so far I only tried one of them. The biscuit flavour. Yeah, I know I'm boring shaddap. -.-

And this rich cheese cake. It says rich right on the box!

So I expected some creamy cheesy type of cake.

Open the box is like this, in small packets like normal Japan snacks.

And guess how the cake looks like?

Waseh, very rich meh? Looks more like butter sponge cake. -__-

In fact, eat also tastes like butter sponge cake. -____-

Meh.

Anyways, more pics of my two kyute goggies to bribe you all show mah love.

Shaggy! Looking very not Shaggy because he's still abit botak.

But JB's fur has grown to a very nice length!

This is my favourite length for him since it makes him like omfgtehcute.

How can you deny teh kyuteness? :D

One last pic to make sure you come back you know you are loved.

And lastly, a random lunch picture of cream of mushroom soup and homemade (EPIC FAIL) nachos.

See, my eyes need lotsa rest and since I can't really do much with this eye infection, I mostly sleep.

And for some reason 4 outta 5 of my naps, I will dream. This is not common; I normally only dream like once a fortnight.

But ever since the infection, nearly all my sleeps are not dreamless.

And they are totally random things! They don't even relate to what I've been doing that day or even my life!

What I can remember are disturbing ones like people exploding into bits and 'omg why am I nekkid' ones.

Some mellow ones like watching some discovery show with my family and friends and driving my sister to Mc D which had a totally new menu.

And outrageous ones like leaping off a 100 meter high ledge into a swimming pool below and skating across a car park.

Then finally the completely random retarded one of me driving dad's old BMW down a steep slope to get cheese for nachos. The BMW turned into a motorbike halfway down and I had to ride along the ralings of some steps at the side to avoid hitting a person.

Miraculously, I managed to get the the Giant supermarker in one piece and started contemplating the types of cheeses on display and finally settled on cheddar.

Then I woke up.

And had a craving for nachos.

But my house doesn't have nice melty cheese so I tried microwaving a slive of Cheesedale cheese on some chachos, which turned hard once they were out of the oven. =.=

Ok ok, retarded updates done. One more video of that pup to secure your love for this blog. Cheh, perasan. -.-


God, I love puppies.

P.S.: Remember that stupid waffle song I blogged about before that can get stuck in your head for ages?

Well, somehow through a convo with Anna last night, I remembered it and decided that people needed to be reminded of it's awesomeness once again.

So here's that other waffle song Ee Ann and I used to be able to quote word for word. Lol, we are so lifeless.



I love that "OH *BEEEEEP*" part. :D

Pics of PD next post!

Blurred

My vision is getting all blurry.

Especially my right eye. And now the left eye is going the same way as well. And both sting like they're dry, even when they're closed.

I can't even read my Harry Potter with my right eye anymore!

Is this normal in conjuntivitis?

Help! I don't want to go blind!

P.S.: Mum totally guilted me into going for the trip. Rawr.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Edit:-

Apparently, blurring can happen when the conjuntivitis is acute and the cornea is infected. But my redness is reducing so much, so how does this fit in?!

Somebody tell me please!

OMG. Just found this other source:

"... But what is most important is what not to give. Steroids should never be prescribed unless the eye has recently been examined by a specialist. This is because a particular viral infection, namely herpes, may cause a dendritic ulcer of the cornea and if steroids are given as drops, this allows the herpes to proliferate and may cause a perforating ulcer resulting in complete blindness. ..."

Eep!

What The Hell?

Like what the hell.

What kind of parents ignore their child's conjunctivitis problem and makes them go on a weekend trip to Port Dickson even after repeated pleas to let them stay home?

What are you thinking? It's not like I'm the only one who has this problem. But if the others are fine with risking their eyesight, then go ahead. But I'm not.

I can't even stand the sun here when I'm wearing shades so how am I supposed to put up with seaside sun? The last time I went out in the (morning) sun, my eyes leaked pus a full day and night.

Apparently, the solution is to stay in the hotel room all

I am NOT they type who can do that on a holiday that is not meant to be lived in hotel rooms. Especially since I haven't been to the beach in ages and the sea and sand are calling out so temptingly like that.

And the rest of them don't even dare to come close to me, how am I supposed to enjoy the trip?

Wouldn't it be easier to just spare me the torture and go without me? I need the rest anyway and I want to heal as fast as possible.

This is a family trip. We HAVE to do it as a family."

"But it's inconsiderate to make me go like this."

"Whatever la, up to you." *ignores for the rest of the evening*

What kind of screwed up idea of a family trip is this supposed to be?

P.S.: Don't worry, I'm blogging with my eyes closed and my sunglasses (which my sis, who won't even look at me, tells me makes me look like a blind person and I agree 100%) on so please pardon any typos. I would put up pics but that'll take too long.

Latest update is the the right side is completely red but other areas seem slightly better. Yay.

P.P.S.: I just thought of something else: Where do they expect me to sleep?

Obviously, I can't share with my sis like usual because conjunctivitis is very contagious and I can't see her sleeping in a sleeping bag anytime soon.

Why can't you just let me off the hook?

Alone

It's scary.

It's so scary when you cry and cry so hard and you realize you have no one you can truly turn to.

Maybe it would be different if I was a better person.

Me Three!

First.

More updates on my disgusting red eyes! Yay.

*does half-hearted cheer*

NO, DON'T GO. I swear I won't put up scary pictures anymore.

Really, cross my heart and hope to, er...












BOO.

Ok fine, I lied.

But I'm just bitter and restless from being cooped up too long while others are out there having fun and being all not-red-eyed. I'd rather be working than stuck here and that's saying something.

And yeah, I know. It's so freaky now right? That's my right eye, a.k.a. my worse eye. AND now the discharge has become crusty and sticky so it seals my eye shut after a nap. T_T

But it's been a week and the doctor said it takes about two weeks so maybe it's peaking now and will get better.

Kinda like a bell graph? Oh, I don't know. -.-

Overall, I look like this.

BOO (again)

Well you can't really see how small and red they are here but they are red. Like poke-your-eyes-till-they-bleed red.

Please also ignore the very bad skin because I have like zero mood to take care of myself anymore. Even my nails are chipping and my lips are chapped but I don't care.

All I can think about is these damn eyes.

At least I'm not alone.

Though please note their use of the singular noun 'eye' and not the plural 'eyes'. So yes, to continue the series of self-pitying rants, I am still worst off.

Since I am in self-quarantine and the TV is no longer entertaining enough to hold my attention, I came up to use the laptop.

And to those worriers who seem more distraught about my eyes than I myself am, I only plan to use it for two hours max!

Not like there's anything to do online anyway because imagine my delight when I found out I can't even log into Facebook due to site maintainence.

No new updates for manga and celeb gossip.

Sims 2 got boring already.

And I got tired of books. O.O

Yeah, person who used to read for days and days non-stop, who read the Deathly Hallows possibly more than fifty times, got bored of books.

What do I do with you guys?

Ok actually I've already read most of them. But I just don't have the mood to finish them up. And when have I ever left an unread novel, unread?

I feel so bleh, like my spirit to do anything interesting has flown away along with the whites of my eyes.

Anyways, I still totally recommend If You Could See Me Now. (I finally OWN the book!!!one11!!!)

It supposedly didn't get good reviews but I think it's the best Ahern book ever! I love love love Ivan! He's just so awesome!

And I even like the uptight Elizabeth! She just needed a break, and then Ivan appeared. :D

It possibly wasn't well received because the ending wasn't some typical girl gets the guy, he beds her and they have hot steamy smex in the end like most novels.

Get your free bag with two Cecelia Ahern novel purchases!

People probably didn't expect so little mushy lovey dovey stuff after reading PS. I Love You.

Don't get me wrong, I love that book too (especially when he books her a holiday! T__T) but it's 'aww..' content totally differs from If You Could See Me Now.

I guess it's because the novel deals with many other issues too. Most of her novels are like that.

Really, at the part Elizabeth flashbacks to when she first ran out to find her mother, I couldn't stop crying. It was just so sad for her. T___T

Hmmm, wonder if I can cry this red eye thing out.

So yeah, now I'm stuck with nothing to do.

After building a model of my real home on Sims, I just got bored of it. Sims always like that, play for abit then get bored. Then suddenly semangat play again. Then bored again. -____-

But I really like the house! It's so freakishly similar!

Ok, almost. I couldn't get it exactly right, and I might have gone a little nuts about the garden. But I'm really proud of it!

But look at the insides!

And upstairs!

The only really different part was the foyer. Had to change it abit since this isn't a semi-d.

I even did the verandah!

But I really love the pond and the path leading to it. :D

See how similar I made the living room and dining room?

And the upstairs too! The family room couch and the study room chair are almost identical! Freaky.

Took me hours to get it right, which I think was what made my left eye red too.

I know, I'm so lifeless and stupid. TT__TT

Still nothing to do since FB is still down. All I can do is blog. Shall go watch Rent on PPS and maybe more sxephil on Youtube.

Anyone know where to buy a life?

P.S.:

So colourful! First time I see so many countries visiting my blog lol.

P.P.S.: After this visit from my cousins, I feel less alone!

Their eyes are as bad as mine! And they get crusty goo in the mornings too!

But wait, if they don't quarantine themselves in, how come I have to?!

Oh well, better safe then sorry. Seeing as already five of us got it (not including Megan herself), I wouldn't underestimate it's infectious-ness.