Each Step

What do you see when you look into the future?

The excitement can be so scary sometimes.

Wondering what’s going to happen to you.

Where you will be then, which country, what kind of abode, how you furnish it.

What job you would have, whether it’s something steady or erratic, how you’d live with it day to day, how high you’d be in the career ladder.

How much you’d earn, what you would spend on, how your lifestyle would be.

Who’ll you be with, how you’d treat them and how they’d treat you, how often you see each other, what would you do together.

Who would be the new people you meet, who you would keep as friends or colleagues or acquaintances or even rivals.

Would you wake up at 7 in the morning? Get the kids ready for school and drive to work. Meet up with a friend and have lunch together. After that, you head over to the office to see the progress. Come home for a nice, warm dinner and spend the night relaxing and laughing with the spouse while nagging at your kids to study. You tuck them in around 10 together and sneak out again for a late movie together.

Or would you sleep till the sun is high in the sky? Make yourself an early lunch of leftovers and go into your home office to start typing up documents and making phone calls. You continue this till its dinnertime. Then you order take out to eat while watching TV. Later, your friends come pick you up and you hang with them till just before dawn breaks.

Maybe you would wake up at 6 to go jogging together? You come back and snooze till 10 and wake up to a breakfast prepared for you. Get yourself ready for work and head out to the bus stop to get to work. Flirt with some co-workers and laugh with others. You head over to a restaurant after work to meet up and have dinner together. You have a couple of drinks before heading home to have a Wii marathon till 3am.

Let's say you’d have to wake up at 5 and cycle to work. It’s so meagre a pay but you have to do it anyway just to pay off the debts. You come home to an empty rental room around 7 with some fast food as supper. You can barely afford to feed yourself and pay the bills. Most of the nights, you sleep with the fan off just to save money. You’re growing a belly but you retire right after dinner anyway as work tires you out and you have to wake up at 5 the next day again.

Any of those circumstances could befall anyone. Sure it may depend on your strength, your will, your smarts or your courage. But luck definitely comes into play. I’m not sure if luck and fate even exists, if there is such a thing as one’s destiny. But there are certain unexplained forces that could be taken as coincidences or proof.

Sometimes a decision we make affects us in a huge but not so severe way. Or the small ones that might or might not change our whole lives without us even knowing it. We may welcome them depending on how adventurous we are or shun it for the safer road.

But sometimes the decision is so great that it not only affects you but others in your life as well. Sometimes you might be afraid to make that decision. It could all work out but some many arrows point towards negative. Yet that foolish tiny ray of hope says that there is a chance you could and that’s enough. You could, or you could not. Both have equal degrees of maybe’s. And you’re still scared but you have to put one foot forward soon. The path behind you is already disappearing. But which foot? Which path?

It’s very confusing and you’re probably not prepared to face it but you need to make the choice anyway because that’s part of the journey.

WELL. I don’t really know where this post was supposed to head. It was just me spewing random thoughts from my head as I read OP. Fuck, I think I’m addicted.

I need to study. And paint my nails. Night.