Being In Between

I hate being caught in between.

It sucks because I feel obligated to both sides. My teeth chatter and my hands freeze over when I talk to either side about it. I don’t know which side to take since I feel that each side has contributed something to the whole problem.

Many people were involved in this and the big blow-up was on the last day of camp. There were tears and confessions and hurting, lots of unpleasant stuff.

On a separate issue, another friend went through something maybe not as heavy and dramatic but emotionally-challenging all the same. And he’s also earned my respect for something else he did that night.

On the one hand, I amclose friends with the guy and I want to support him even though I felt that he was being to ‘guo fen’ about this.

On the other hand, I am also friends with the girl and close friends with the best friend of the girl. And there were other problems linking to this one and was touched upon and many things were put out into the open.

I don’t blame the people involved because they are our friends and we choose to care for them. I hope they don't blame themselves too. We just want them to be happy again.

I think some things were resolved today but not all. At any rate, my friends seem lighter and better and happier today. And in turn, I feel lighter too.

I may not have suffered as bad as the main people involved in this, but being an in-between still sucks.

But still, I feel more bonded with the others now and I hope they feel the same. I know one of them does.

We saw each other in a harsh new light and like I said, many things were brought to the surface and exposed. I learnt new things and found new understanding in some of my friends and because of that, I feel closer to them now.

That’s one of the purposes of the camp, right? To become closer to each other.

So I don’t know if my leadership skills improved in anyway or if I toughened up or anything (maybe I would have if that dumb leech would just bite me!) but I definitely feel that the relationships between my friends and I, have changed quite a lot.

One may not see it to be good at first but it is to me and on the whole, I think it was more than worth RM150 and the muscle pain.

Already half-asleep,

~*JJ*~