Emo Post

Had to type this up on Microsoft Word first, since mum was angry at me and took away the modem just now. Posting it late at night now:-

Typing this on Microsoft Word first when I’m still in the mood since mum took away the modem:

No mood today.

No idea why. I guess it’s just one of my mood swings again. Sorry if I made anyone worry.

Started after Bio, when things got really boring. Tried hard not to fall asleep but still did anyway.

And after trying to understand stuff like renal arteries and loops of Henle (who the heck is that?!) and failing miserably, I felt even worse. And that stupid add maths project we have to do.

Came back and moped about in the library. Felt very tired and moody still but had duty that day. Spent most of it asleep.


I like this icon. Kind of describes how I feel now, though this wasn’t the whole reason I was moody today.

On the plus side, I finally managed to clear up ALL the stupid librarians’ letters and some other library work I had been procrastinating. The letters are stupid, not the librarians.

Things didn’t improve when I had to wait for half an hour on the hard metal bench for my transport home and by the time I got home, it was 6.

AND I got into a huge argument with my mum. Again.

Over some stupid small matter like me giving my sister extra rice. Most things start over something small, insignificant and stupid nowadays.

She will never ever see her faults but blames me for everything. I admit I don’t give her enough respect but I wished she’d try to at least earn it, instead of just expecting it.

Saying that I’m super emo today will not even scrap the surface of the conditions of our relationship.

She told me to “Go and DIE!”. My mood kind of really plunged then.

And then, not because she wanted me to study, not because she thought I’d been using too much computer, but just because “I bought the modem, so it’s mine!”, she took away the modem when I needed it the most!

She’s always that petty. I think I’m getting used to it, but it’s not quite there yet.

Going online, talking and interacting with friends and stuff usually makes me feel better but since she took it away, I had to resort to ranting on Word. Offline.

Plus, there were no sleeping medicine or pills at home. Whoop-dee-doo. I think I’m getting too reliant on them though.

My ties with my family is really bad. My dad obviously supports whatever my mum says and thinks I’m some sort of rebel who wants to be left out of the family (there is some truth to that). Which they seem to try to accomplish.

My sister will support whichever side that has more power. My parents, duh.

I know my mum’s operation is just over and all, and I want to let her rest.

But she then said that she didn’t cry at all for that. She cries now because I am bad to her.

I told her I haven’t cried for anything (excluding mushy romance stories) in my life since ten. Not for cuts, not for betrayals, not for friends.

I’ve only cried because of my family.

This is true, I didn’t make it up.

And every time I manage to pull myself together and stop crying and go downstairs, there she is, wallowing in self-pity.

And when she sees me, she’ll say things like “Go die! I know you want me to!” or “I don’t know what I did to get a daughter like you!”.

As if stuff like this still hurts me anymore.

Funny though, once her friend arrived, she’s all smiles again and talking amiably there.

My life has been down, with this thing and that. My studies suck, friends backstab, things go nowhere, and my family has never been a good point in my life.

Foo turned 17 and he thinks he has found out some things about his life.

I turned 17 and I think I lost my point of life.

Emo post,

~*JJ*~